Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Confetti

This blog has nothing to do with Confetti. I will tell you why it's titled that later. 


So today, was one of THOSE days. Not ONE of those.. one that, every 10 minutes it took a giant leap into the shit bowl. (no, i really don't have bowls of shit laying around.  Just a little metaphor.  Follow me?)


*sigh*


For the past 2 days I've been preparing this kid for this morning's appointment.  I already had my OWN anxiety about seeing the neurologist because I know he's not happy that i went outside of his office re: The hospital stay. So I wasn't looking forward to have to have "that talk".  But, Tommy is still adjusting to med modifications. So waking up early was NOT going to be easy.  I have been waking him up earlier day by day so this morning wouldn't be so traumatizing.  It was good.  Almost perfect! (I should have known better) I was getting ready, going back and forth making sure he's moving. I could see my stress bugging him.  (he really doesn't like to be rushed)  


*sigh* 


So we get downstairs.  Pancakes in the toaster, getting meds sorted etc.  I'm explaining to him that we're not seeing THAT doctor (the one for the 'angries' {psych}) But instead the BRAIN doctor (neuro).  He doesn't like going there. It's a pediatric facility, and they always have dora, or something disney playing in the waiting room.  It annoys him a LOT.  


ugh.


All of a sudden, a commercial comes on the tv that he doesn't. All of a sudden he flies across the living room (as im already flying across the living room to change the channel) and BAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He punches the FUCKING cable box. 


WHAT THE FUCK... OVER!!!?


Then of course he follows it up with the 'lets shut the surge protector off too so EVERYTHING plugged into it has to now RE-START.  I still have it in my head that we're going to this appointment. HA! So I feed him. More-less kissing his ass because I know that if I have to cancel this appointment, it'll take another 6 months to get in to see him.  We're getting shoes on, i hear him cursing under his breath.  I TRY to use my mom voice and tell him to CUT IT OUT!  We're even walking out the door.  I ask him to close the door please, and WHHHOOOSSHHH!!!!


I think the house shook.  It was 8am so Brianna had to be awaken to this.  I just walked back in the house. I knew it was over. We've officially blown it.  The meltdowns commenced.  His AND mine.  


Since the incident I've been super lax (scared shitless) to reinforce too much.  Today, I've got backup (dad) and i'm pissed.  
So I called the office, and cancelled the appointment and rescheduled. Dec 22. (such bullshit)  Hub and I layout the game plane.  Free range of this house is over.  He can NOT run this show anymore.  SO, the tv, stayed off. ALL day.  (unheard of!!!!)  He was allowed ONLY 1 nap. (aside from his 2-3 a day).  He IS getting exercise!!!!!!! Took him for a walk. 1 mile. (stopping to throw rocks into the lake) Brianna and I left and he got to spend time with dad. 


Upon coming home, and getting groceries put away, was the anticipation of having the Board of DD BACK out here.  Yes, again. I wasn't disgusted enought the first time, I needed more.  (really, the all-mighty psych asked us to try again with them *gag* fine whatever!) I was trying to prepare the hub.  He's not very good at biting his tongue.  (personally, i think he's on the spectrum himself)  She's sitting there telling about about stuff I already know.  But she know's it better because she sat through a 4 hour seminar about it.  (im not even kidding. she said that)


** let me get on my soap box here**
A lot of you that take the time to read this, you have MUCH younger kids.  Words can not express to you how SCARED i am for you.  I'm working with a system that doesn't know what to do with our kids.  They're just starting to realize that we can't follow their old ways.  Autism is much more complex.  The statistics when Tommy was diagnosed was 1 in 10,000.  The 3 years later it was 1 in 500.  I don't even pay attention to it now.  Because truthfully, we're all FUCKED.  Seriously though, these are the people that get paid decently.  While government still has money to pour into our county programs.  (when directors of our programs aren't getting caught sifting $600k out in personal spending) 
When your kids, are Tommy's age.. I REALLY really hope that they've hired more qualified people concerning autism.  Sometimes, I really think these people just make shit up sometimes.  AARRGGHH!!


So after we talk about the day, and the  no more "free range to the electronics" and getting him more physically moving through the day... *smh*  She begins to tell us about his man that wrote a book.  An autistic man that "never talked until he was in Jr high. By choice. In jr high he decided to talk" (got that? so for all your non verbal kids, they just don't WANT to talk) Anyhow, now he's "over-come his autism and works for the ..." blah blah blah.  I looked at my husband and thought he was going to explode.  Me, I will FIGHT YOU over that topic.  You don't OVER-COME autism.  State whatever fact you think is right.  I believe different.  THERE IS NO CURE!!!!!!!!!!  He just.. over CAME it.  Just like he DECIDED to talk.  It was then time to get up and show them (yeah, she brought eye-candy with her) the door.  


I am so proud of my hub.  He said all of 10 words for that whole hour.  As awkward as that was, it was also better than the alternative lol 


So we fast forward to shower time.  Everythings going fine.  With the limitations of "free range tv" I tell him to leave the tv off while he showers. (he thinks the tv needs to be on constantly. And likes to think he is in control of what ANYBODY is watching) Instead of telling him its because he was an ASSHOLE to me this morning and its his punishment, I take the easy way out.. and tell him "to save electricity.  If we save electricity, we save money. We want MORE moneY!!" Yeah thats the ticket! Well, he must have just went up there and festered about not having the tv on. (mind you, when I went up there to finish the shower process, THE TV WAS ON!) So as we're getting out of the shower, i'm RE-explaining why we need the tv off when he showers.  
Ohhhh the cursing.  You'd think I'd be immune to it since, well, I was a Marine once.  It's not like I'm NOT a potty mouth myself! (just not around him lol).  
I still have hope that I have an ounce of control here.  "Tommy calm down, or you're NOT getting mommy's bed tonight! I've had it with the cursing" 
His response? "I don't want to calm the fuck down!!!!!!!"  

So here I sit.  And where is he? In mommy;s bed.  It's just been TOO LONG of a day.  There will be NO MORE follow through here tonight.  Plum out.



So what's all of this have to do with confetti? Ever receive a card filled with Confetti, and you open it and it goes all over the floor.  THAT mood that instantly hits you.. yeah, that would describe my mood.  

3 comments:

  1. Ok, you did great!!! I would have been confetti at noon. NOON. You had the TV off all day and you set some boundaries--YAY. Take baby steps and give yourself a break. You did great and I'm smiling for you!

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  2. Thanks SO MUCH Lizbeth!!! Today's much harder. It's 2:30 and my husband and I are sitting here like zombies already (the boy is napping. THankfully- side effect of meds) He's starting to ask WHY. We're still trying to come up with an answer.

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  3. Aaaaaargh! Is that woman for realz? She must be taking a commission to promote that book, there's no other explanation for being such a ... (insert your preferred description here)
    Seriously, WELL DONE for holding it together as much as you did. You're an ex-marine? I believe it. Courage under fire. ((()))

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