Hey, how's it going? How are you doing? What have you been up to?
I say these things to my friends a LOT. Because, when you're a mom (OR DAD!) of an Autistic child of any age, you don't really have friends. And you really want people to BE your friend!! But, you can't follow the rules of being a friend. You'll break plans all or most of the time. If you DO make it, you're probably going to be late. I guess this blog goes out to all of my friends that just don't know what its like.
If i'm online, and i don't respond, its because my computer is always online. When I get 5-10 minutes, i will "check things". I'm really not ignoring you.
Tommy can't be left alone anymore so I spend most of the day just plain, following him around. And, to not feel like a stalker, I keep him busy, because most days he wont even get dressed, let alone leave the house. Imagine how much LACK of excitement, thinking, mindless conversations (usually the same ones over and over) that goes through a persons mind when they've been following someone around for 12 hours. Yeah, no wonder i'm not too great with conversations. 95% of my friends are online. So i type a lot. I guess i'm fortunate that the friends that DO take the time to call me, understand that at any given moment I may have to end the conversation or just plain hang up on you to deal with something. Also, they're not too put off with what they may hear on my end.
By the end of the night, i'm really just a shell of a person. Tom and I try to talk to one another, but mostly we watch movies and tv. Thats our quality time. Because we're both too tired to hold conversations with one another. Mind you, he's usually on his laptop at the same time I am on mine 8 feet away from one another. We text more than we talk. LOL don't get me wrong, we DO talk, but not like "regular people".
I used to be able to take Tommy everywhere. He used to really enjoy social gatherings. He was never to fond of younger kids. Like, toddlers and under. They creep him out. lol But, now, he doesn't want to leave the house. Honestly, I'm looking at this being a new "normal" for a while. And, it has made me kind of, shut down completely. I don't know what to say to people anymore. I know people want to help. But, I don't know HOW to help this situation anymore than the professionals. We're all at a loss here. I hate being the 'party pooper' of sorts. People look at our family dynamic, and see Tommy regressing, and they feel sorry for us. Always. "oh you guys are so strong!" No we're not. I cry daily. It really sucks to be "THAT" family. The person you don't call because you cant stand to hear how bad things have gotten. "Oh i don't know how you guys do it". Neither do we. Sometimes we lay in bed and just think outloud "we got lucky tonight".
I love my dogs. They're so misbehaving with no manners that it's quite comical.
So, if you haven't heard from me in a while, don't be too upset. It's not just you. My life is just sucking a lot, and i'm taking this time to kind of, process things.