Saturday, July 23, 2011

How's it going?

Hey, how's it going? How are you doing? What have you been up to?

I say these things to my friends a LOT.  Because, when you're a mom (OR DAD!) of an Autistic child of any age, you don't really have friends.  And you really want people to BE your friend!! But,  you can't follow the rules of being a friend. You'll break plans all or most of the time. If you DO make it, you're probably going to be late.  I guess this blog goes out to all of my friends that just don't know what its like.  

If i'm online, and i don't respond, its because my computer is always online. When I get 5-10 minutes, i will "check things".  I'm really not ignoring you. 

Tommy can't be left alone anymore so I spend most of the day just plain, following him around.  And, to not feel like a stalker, I keep him busy, because most days he wont even get dressed, let alone leave the house.  Imagine how much LACK of excitement, thinking, mindless conversations (usually the same ones over and over) that goes through a persons mind when they've been following someone around for 12 hours.  Yeah, no wonder i'm not too great with conversations.  95% of my friends are online. So i type a lot.  I guess i'm fortunate that the friends that DO take the time to call me, understand that at any given moment I may have to end the conversation or just plain hang up on you to deal with something. Also, they're not too put off with what they may hear on my end.   

By the end of the night, i'm really just a shell of a person.  Tom and I try to talk to one another, but mostly we watch movies and tv.  Thats our quality time.  Because we're both too tired to hold conversations with one another.  Mind you, he's usually on his laptop at the same time I am on mine 8 feet away from one another.  We text more than we talk.  LOL don't get me wrong, we DO talk, but not like "regular people".  

I used to be able to take Tommy everywhere.  He used to really enjoy social gatherings. He was never to fond of younger kids. Like, toddlers and under. They creep him out. lol  But, now, he doesn't want to leave the house. Honestly, I'm looking at this being a new "normal" for a while.  And, it has made me kind of, shut down completely.  I don't know what to say to people anymore.  I know people want to help. But, I don't know HOW to help this situation anymore than the professionals.  We're all at a loss here.  I hate being the 'party pooper' of sorts.  People look at our family dynamic, and see Tommy regressing, and they feel sorry for us.  Always.  "oh you guys are so strong!" No we're not.  I cry daily.  It really sucks to be "THAT" family.  The person you don't call because you cant stand to hear how bad things have gotten.  "Oh i don't know how you guys do it". Neither do we.  Sometimes we lay in bed and just think outloud "we got lucky tonight".  

I love my dogs.  They're so misbehaving with no manners that it's quite comical.  

So, if you haven't heard from me in a while, don't be too upset.  It's not just you.  My life is just sucking a lot, and i'm taking this time to kind of, process things.



  1. Huge, huge hugs! I could totally have written this post. You can call me anytime you want conversation. I totally get the, "shoot, gotta go" (click) thing. So glad to have found a friend in you!

  2. I love the way you write exactly how I feel too!

    Its hard to have a social life, and when I walk up to people at church they are glad to see me, but never know what to say, so they don't ask how we are. It does hurt that they don't ask how my son L is doing, since he has been away from home for 3 months. Mental illness is shamed and so misunderstood, and it makes me even more aware that I need to be kind to others and ask them how they are. But, when I do I get that pact answer, Fine! So, lets all walk around and say how fine we are, NOT!

  3. Yeah, this whole 'we can't do what we used to, we're finding a new normal' thing resonates with me too. Sending good thoughts, for what they're worth.

  4. Thanks Ladies. Its worth a LOT actually. Somehow, we'll all get through this.

  5. Rhonda, I don't have kids. I have said that before, but let me say this. YOU ARE STRONG. I got a divorce and lost my dad in the same year. The divorce was a year after we separated and my dad was 77 and lived a full life. I am a damn shell of who I was. I have made my own decisions and I cry a good bit myself. My point is, I retreated from the world for no other reason than I could. You are doing EVERYTHING you can to exist and survive. That is pretty dang strong to me. Some people may not call not because they don’t want to hear the sadness, but because they truly don’t know what to say. AND even though they care, sometimes their platitudes may not be enough.

    I cancel plans, I don’t phone back and I really have kinda become a hermit. AND IT JUST ME. You mam, are working your tail off to survive and help your son. Is it easy? I imagine not, does it suck sometimes? I bet it does, do you cry? Your allowed! But don’t for a second think your family is not strong.