Thursday, July 7, 2011

What I did today.

Today, was a new day for me. I woke up (after a hideous night's sleep on this pull-out chair bed thing *ugh*) with an EPIPHANY of emotions.  I sat at the table with the team of docs, talking about how Tommy is handling the new meds side effects etc.  Those of you with Autistic children understand, that it's not very often you just stumble upon a doctor that you instantly click with.  VERY rare.  It's happened to us.  It's so random how I came upon him in the first place.  But, there was/is an immediate re pore with him.  A psychiatrist that is not just incredibly knowledgeable about Mental Health of course (duh lol) but, he is so incredibly knowledgeable about Autism, and how it can be and/or seem to be related to one another.  I get EVERYTHING he says.  And he understand IN WHOLE all of my questions.  Further, he personally KNOWS our neurologist, and INSISTS on keeping open communication with him.  I quote "I know Dr. so-and-so doesn't like anybody doing thing with his patience without being involved" lol.   And, we're not just talking 'what can we do pharmacological way of keeping Tommy "under control".  We had everything on the table. Biomedical, behavior modification, therapies.. the list goes on. We missed nothing.  I've never walked away feeling every question was answered. And, he's our age.  It's nice when there's not a huge generation gap. 

So, as i was saying, after I woke up from that HORRIBLE chair, I decided, to ask Tom to stay tonight.  I don't ASK very often.. i tend to martyr myself a lot. Or ask for help when i'm falling apart from exhaustion.  But, I listen to all of the suggestions from you all, and today I thought.. Things need to change.  Everything.  Because, Tommy's no longer a baby.  He's ALWAYS going to be MY baby, but I need to start letting him be a young man. He needs it.  I need it.  We all need it.  Of course, Tom said he'd stay.

This morning went great.  Other than the 2 minutes of "where the heck am i" when he woke up this morning.. he was fine.  Even with they brought him the WRONG food (cant seem to get the orders right) he was patient while we went and got the correct items. (thats new!) There have been no side effects as of yet.  So i'm feeling really really positive.  And, no, I'm not that naive. I'm fully aware that this is mostly the honeymoon period.  He doesnt like it there, and he REALLY wants to come home.. so he is on his BEST behavior.  So, I am appreciating this best behavior.  I have no stress at the moment.  As soon as Tom arrived (around noon) I left. (I had prepped him all day that mom was leaving and dad was going to stay and sleep over with him).  I came home and Brianna immediately went to her friends down the road to swim and have dinner.  It was just me and the dogs.. all night.  It was SO WEIRD!  I don't like it.  It's a nice treat once in a while, but not overnight.  this house needs to be FULL at bedtime.  Thats just.. it.  But, I did take advantage of this time.  

-took a long hot shower.  Shaved my pittys AND my legs.. even ABOVE the       knee! 
-Conditioned my hair.  For more than a minute.  
-Completely washed all of the makeup off of my face followed with completely smoothering my face with anti-wrinkle cream
-Sat by the pool listing to the water splash out of the filter and relaxed in my zero gravity chair I got for mothers day.  I never get to sit in it.. lol
-Watched a NEW episode of The First 48 in real time. 
- Cuddled with my puppies ( LuvMyCrzyLife   they haven't left my side! lol)
Tonight I will be sleeping hopefully not waking up ever couple of hours to make sure he's not wandering the halls.  

I have a new understanding of what's happening with Tommy.  And I'm realizing that if I don't give up some control and allow others to help me, then I am going to be of NO HELP to Tommy.  I also realized that there are some remarkable kids in this world.  There were about 8 other kids in the facility with Tommy.  Ranging from about 10-17.  All of them KNEW Tommy was getting "different treatment" than they were.  They were attending group sessions of OT, therapy etc.  I overheard The staff explaining to them Tommy's Autism, and why he needed to be handled differently etc.  They all have been wonderful to him.  One boy played fuse ball with him, and didn't mind one bit that whoever score, Tommy got the point.  Another boy was very tall, and had no problem with allowing Tommy to invade his personal space to compare the height difference.  All of these other children, in this place because they are out of control, and they still have empathy, understanding and common courtesy to treat Tommy with a little more compassion.  And, not only have I got to experience this, Tom has got to experience this all WITH me.  This has been a VERY trying year.  A year of not knowing WHAT to do or what will happen to our son.  It's not about us having a plan with what to do and in what direction we're going in.  It's if anything horrible happens again, i KNOW that there is a safe place for him, that will care for him almost as well as I can.  I know Tommy's not cured. I know he still has potential to have another meltdown.  I'm that type of person that, needs to have all my basis covered.  If this happens, then we do that. For "worse case scenario", we're ok now.  And I finally got Tommy his Psychiatrist.  

All is where it needs to be.  Well, almost.  As soon as everyone is tucked safely in their beds again.

Until then, I am going to go collapse now.  I have a king sized bed calling my name.  

Again, I can't thank you enough for ALL of your support.  LuvMyCrzyLife  Thank. you. 


  1. Ok, I'm envious. I can't tell you the last time I shaved above the knee! LOL

    Seriously, I'm so glad your heart is happy tonight. You are an amazing woman, you are doing what you feel is best for Tommy and if I could, I'd give you the world's biggest hug right now!

    Enjoy that king sized bed.

    Much love & many prayers, Lena

  2. I am so very thrilled that you have found the right help for Tommy!!! This is such good news!!! Enjoy your king sized bed and know that your family will be back together very soon!!! <> <3

  3. Hang in there. You deserve every moment of relaxation. Enjoy!

  4. You shaved above the knee AND got to condition your hair? I say that is a win!!
    Glad to hear (or guess read) that things are looking up. I hear hope in you "voice". That is a great thing to have!

  5. I"m glad you're taking some time for yourself and getting some "trimming/maintenance" done. I love the new shaven legs and pit feel! :)

    Hang in there!

  6. lol I know RIGHT!?!?! To shave above the knee when you have autistic kid(s) ... a RARITY! Hubby is enjoying unlimited xbox tonight. We've all earned out outlet. Thanks to you all. I love you all and the support you've offered :)