Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Big Meeting Today

AriesAries (3/21-4/19)
A new arrival makes some waves today -- and this tiny event could trigger an earthquake that changes your entire landscape almost overnight. To prepare, get all the gritty details you can on a new person as quickly as you can. The wheels may start turning in your mind ... and suddenly your outlandish ideas may not be so crazy after all. Keep pushing -- see how far you can go. You're on to something and you know it! New personalities are teaching you new tactics.

Today is the big meeting. Though, we put together Tommy's IEP back in April/May, today we have to start at ground zero.  There's no way he is going to be able to attend Monarch. The 1 hour commute is just too much for him.  His meds are still NOT stable. We're still chasing side effects.  The new one? Blurry vision.  He couldn't read the clocks.  He was trying to type a message on his PS3 and my Husband and I sat here with our jaws on the floor. He thought he was typing words. It looked like nothing but symbols mixed with letters.  

I'm very nervous for this meeting.  Mostly, because I am not in control.  I don't know what to expect.  Pulling him out of Monarch is scaring the LIFE out of me.  I can't imagine day after day, without the support of the school.  The school is why we moved here.  Today we're meeting with the Director of the school, the Behavior Specialist from the school as well as our case manager from the Board of DD, the director of the program that I don't want Tommy to attend (but they may be able to provide some home-schooling services).  I'm nervous because, I don't know what to expect.  I've never NOT known what to expect.  Usually I go into these meetings like a spitfire. I am the one running the show.  I am the one telling you what Tommy needs, and I am the one that will leave the meeting knowing that I got exactly what my son needs for his education.  For the first time, I don't know what to expect.  I don't have a game plan.  Plain and simple, I don't know what to do.  I know that once I give up Tommy's spot at this school, its over.  He'll never be back there.  I realize that for the past 5 years, we're still battling the same issues we went there with, only magnified now.  I know there is nothing more they can do to properly service Tommy.  But, there's nothing laying in front of us.  Where to go. What to do.

Ever minute of every day 7 days a week from the moment we wake, until the moment we fall asleep, we tend to Tommy.  On my husbands days off, we take turns to avoid mid-day burn-out.  I take and hour, he takes an hour.  Keeping him busy. Remember, no tv! I take him out. It'll kill an hour or 2 depending on where we go.  But, we only have a handfull of approved places we can take him to.  Its mentally and physically exhausting.  When my hub is at work, i offer more "free time" to avoid literally collapsing from exhaustion.  I don't know if I have the STAMINA to keep this up much longer.  From the moment we wake up, we talk about Tommy.  What are we going to do today.  New idea.  Hey this needs to get done so can you take him from 3-5 so I can get this going while I get dinner moving? These are the only conversations I've had with my husband for.. what seems like forever now.

I'm sure I will have a follow-up to this later today.  Right now, my stomach is in knots.  There's nothing to do but to go and jump in head first.  So off to the shower. 

3 comments:

  1. I'm thinking of you. I guess by now you had the meeting. Sigh. I don't know what to say, nor can I imagine all what you are going through. But do know you are in my thoughts and I'm thinking of you. Surely some of my thoughts will pass to you. I hope so, anyway. Hugs.

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  2. Thanks so much. ((hugs))

    It means a lot.

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