I know I wanted Friday to be all about FUN Friday.. but last time I multiple posted, Jim got his panties ruffled and so I'm going to compact this all into one entry today! (:P Jim)
So even though Tommy's been quite the teenager lately and pushing my buttons. On the other hand, there are so many good things happening that its hard to keep up with it all!
First, as predicted.. since its FRIDAY and I said the behavior would be gone by FRIDAY... 2 nights in a row.. no under the tree cry sessions. Last night as we were heading up to bed, he said- "no crying at the tree?" I replied "nope" and he laughed and ran up the stairs. Score! Mom-1 Autism-887,998,903,453
Second, there was an issues with his weather radar channel. Every minute, the radar cuts to another view of the radar. There's about 6 different radars that it shows. With repetitive music (the theme to the news channel) playing constantly. Never any commercials. Just radars. I know, exciting isn't it? lol Well, one of the screens were black. Technical difficulties. Anyhow, rather than lose his mind, he asks me to come lay with him (the black made his room dark and he doesn't like the dark) Well, I figured I'd just fall asleep there and hubs would come get me so "mom doesn't like to sleep with the TV on so lets just shut the tv off. So as we were laying there, we began to converse. We were talking about the day, about Christmas, about Gran coming out etc. This conversation came out of nowhere. He NEVER says the name of his school we pulled him from. We can't even say the name, or certain people there, without him getting upset. So here you go.
Him- Are we still all done Monarch School
Me- yes bub. We do home school now
Him- I do not like the Monarch.
Me- I know bub. That's why we're all done there. We do school at home now.
Him- Monarch is for the angry's and owies.
(i'm not breathing at this point)
Me- I'm sorry bubby. We're not going back there. Only school at home.
Him- Home is for the happy's.
(sobbing in the dark now)
Me- Only the happy's and love bub. Monarch is Junk.
Him- Holding down makes me scared (he said it in his SCARY voice)
Me- The angry's and holding down (restraining) are all gone bubbie. Lets go to sleep now.
............... I laid there thinking of the 11 years of ABA i've been so intense with. He's just told me it hurt him and made him scared. He's telling me he was scared to go to school. Oh the crying. The GUILT!!!! If you're an ABA family, you know working through behaviors are quite intense. So of course, since this happened, i've been over analyzing the past 11 years. Tommy's showed aggressiveness since he was 4ish. It was always tied to the inability to communicate. When PECS was brought in, the behaviors lessened. When communication emerged i really pushed the academics. He could read, write, do math.. ABA was the connection for his learning. However, the behaviors, *smh* I still wonder. Did ABA exasperate the behaviors or was this going to happen either way? In my mind, i need this answer. Realistically, I know the answer doesn't matter nor will I ever get it. I'm working on this right now. It's a battle in my head. I am so happy that I was able to have that conversation with him. I am so thrilled that he now feels SAFE enough to be able to communicate that to me. Even the ABILITY to communicate that to me. I feel like the past 17 years, I've been trying to MAKE him who he NEEDS to be. Now, I have realized, that I need to HELP him, be all he CAN be. Tommy can only do, what he's able to do. It's a realization that has really done a number on me. My wonderful friend Kelly is going through the same sort of epiphany with a much younger child. It's so tough. And, will it ever be easier? I wish I could tell you yes. I still HOPE that at some point.. maybe in adulthood, that it will be easier. I think the important thing to remember, is that our definition of "EASIER" is going to constantly change. Sometimes you have to pick your battles. Sometimes you have to prioritize what the issues in front of you are, and tackle them one at a time. Sometimes, we have to take a step back, and try to listen or UNDERSTAND our kids. Don't ever ever ever give up on trying to UNDERSTAND. Sometimes, that understanding will come.. it may be in the form of -a kick in the gut- but.. I now know. I KNOW how he feels and how he FELT. We all know.. to have that KNOWING.. means the world. He'll NEVER set foot on that property again. EVER.
Now.. to FUN FRIDAY!
Listen people.. we don't get out much. We don't have respite. Don't have any family members around to watch Tommy.. so we entertain ourselves. (um, this was before I lost weight so the fact that we're trying to say CHUBBY BUNNY, is quite... ironic lol)
HAHAAA omg i was giant. Hubs was going through a "i'm going to shave my head" for a hairstyle and Tommy.. was refusing the barber shop lmao. This is about.. 3 years old
Ok .. HAPPY FRIDAY!