The Table.. and stuff

It's no big secret that i've been having my own mental meltdown here in wonderland.  Somehow I've been able to be completely shut down while still running the show with a great big smile on my face.  My poor husband who has delt with me deserve a fucking metal.  I keep thinking I'll just WAKE UP and feel better one day and we can just move the frick on.  Anyhow.. its these little things that make my madness all the more wonderful.  I've hidden it from Tommy.  I can't throw it away because.. well, I know better.  Its a singing Holiday card from my mom some 10 years ago (because of course the cats name is on the card and she died at least that long ago).  Anyhow, the card is barely working.  It skips. Tommy thinks this is FUCKING HYSTERICAL!  Then he decided it had to be fixed.  So for some reason my husband has a ton of these random batteries. (HA!!) I got all Macgiver and changed the battery and it worked for about 30 seconds.  Enough for him to hear the song and decide that he wanted it to skip again. So... i went back in, changed the batteries back and now.. its a crap shoot.  When you open it, it MAY sing the song, it MAY skip.. or Now tommy's favorite.. it sings in very slow motion as the battery is on its last breath of life. Just thought I'd share that with you..

The reason we're here tonight is because of my kitchen table.  We fell in love with this table 6 years ago, and loved that the seats were stools (high off the floor). High table etc.  Nice.  Yeah well, 6 years later, 3 pugs and an autistic teenager later... we were down to one chair (that had a back). The others had been sawed off from being thrown. Or the legs destroyed being thrown.  We had 2 mismatched ikea stools we were using in place of 2 that were UN-salvageable. Tom's mom doesn't do the whole animal thing.  The is what you call, a GERM-A-PHOBE! She'll pet the dogs, interact, and wash violently.  She wont sit on our furniture because the dogs do.  So, she sits at the kitchen table.  a LOT. The whole 2days and 17 hours she comes to visit at a time.  (She doesn't like to leave her place).  I GET THIS and am very sympathetic to it. Where our tree is set up, I have a nice reading area for her to go relax where the dogs have NEVER been. (its my destroy free room. from the dogs AND tommy. the ONLY room UN destroyed!!)  This morning however, the LAST chair with a back on it broke.  It just wasnt repairable.  We dropped a lot of money on this set (thought we'd actually treat ourselves to nice stuff.. BAHAHAAA!!) We decided we couldn't afford a new table so hopefully we could find her.. a nice stool lol.. With Christmas and things happening with adjusting to home school.. NOW is not the time to start changing things. My husband... the house genius, did some searching. And, just so happened to find someone on Craigslist selling.. our EXACT set.  We spent maybe 1800 for the set.. this one, $250.  For EVERYTHING!!!!!!!! 4 chairs. NEW table (unchewed by dogs, undented by utensils)

As you can see. These were the last 2. Tommy refused to sit on the backless one.  He would act as if he were falling off of it constantly. 

Before dinner was done being ready, Dad arrives home with this...

Identical. All 4 chairs. ALL will back.  Even covered with this plastic stuff so the cushions don't get all re-gross.  Mother in law is going to be THRILLED! lol

The Autism gods were with us tonight.  I mean, this table was 6 years old.  And she wasn't even the original owner. She found it at a consignment shop and the wood colors didn't match or whatever.  I'm just thankful to not have to deal with something ELSE.  

Tomorrow we have home school with a side of Speech at the same time.  I've spoken to Tommy very vaguely about having another person over with the regular instructor but he's not really cared about what I was saying. Today at the store, I wanted him to "choose what you want to cook with Mike AND TROY". He steps back and says "WHAT THE TROY!?"  I explained the Troy is a speech teacher and he's going to come help Mike with home school.  Hey look!! BROWNIES!!! and of course we're off to something else.  


Therapy (FOR ME!) tomorrow BEFORE all of this.  


Holy Jebus I hope a cancellation comes for this psych visit. These meds are APPARENTLY NOT helping my situation.   

SIBS Shop

I know.. STFU already Rhonda!!!!!!!!!!  I'm posting a LOT today because, i've been too busy having a mental breakdown the past few days. SO, I have to catch up now. 


I know a lot of you have Spectrum kids (that's a no-brainer!) But, I also know a lot of you also have more than just one child. 


When Brianna was younger, I had her in a SIBS group. She was in Kindergarten and doesn't even REMEMBER being there.  However, I scored and found a TEEN SIBS group here locally.  These are so hard to find because SIBS groups are typically geared towards younger kids when, personally, i think it makes MUCH more sense to have these for Teens and Tweens.  Further, unlike the rancid school that Tommy used to attend, they would charge $100+ for a Sib Shop (like we had money POURING out of our asses. I guess the nearly 100K tuition wasn't enough).  This particular Sib Shop was MUCH more affordable and included materials, and a meal! (HA! Take THAT you piece of SHIT money-grubbers!)


She loved it.  She loved it SO MUCH!!! And, was able to meet and ARTICULATE feelings with kids her own age.  Sibs Shops for younger kids is really fantastic for helping your NT child UNDERSTAND the disability, and the "different" world that they are going to be raised in.  This group, for Teens/Tweens does a little more.  It let them come to terms with things.. talk about how much it SUCKS, and how sometimes it doesn't suck so much. It's all facilitated by a therapist.  I am so happy I found this for my daughter.  She was SO THANKFUL that I found it as well!!! It meets monthly. And, it doesn't require a car payment to attend.  


So, just something for you all to think about.  If there's a Sibs group near-by, check it out. As much as you think your NT is taking things just fine.. sometimes it's good for them just to have other kids around that... as Brianna put it.. "they just GET it".


That is all.. you may carry on.

Mucho Videos!!!

You've all heard me mention at one time or another, that Tommy loves youtube. Further, he LOVES to MAKE videos on youtube.  Some make absolutely NO SENSE whatsoever.. but for some reason (usually there's a favorite logo) he'll make these random videos. Such as:

He used to like to simulate computers crashing.  This is, after he got in trouble time and time again for actually CRASHING (or physically destroying) computers around the house. 


Or here we go.. he's playing around with all of the effects on his webcam.  Repetitiveness much!?!? (he was about 11 at the time) I should mention that he HATES PBS

  


This one... I don't even know what to say.  I actually just FOUND it.  So.... yeah.  

This is the one I found that I actually wanted to share with you.  It was a project at school ... way back when he WENT!  Anyhow, they had to make an infomercial.  His infomercial was why BUY a car when you can BORROW one? (He didnt realize that you could LEASE a car. But LEASE? Why LEASE, when you can BORROW?)  He was about 12 or 13 here so his voice sounds like a girl (hahahaa gotta love puberty).  

But seriously. If you've made it this far, then you should be rewarded.  It's a good thing my husband doesn't read this because he'd kill me. But, its ON youtube already so.. the world has already seen it!  I can't remember what game he was actually playing, but he was killing the SHIT out of some bad guys!! My office used to be in the basement. I was hard at work and he was playing Wii.  I look up.... and see this. 

So yeah. There you have it.  

Social Group #3

Well here we are.  We've completed our 3rd Social group this past weekend. This time he was actually... I don't want to say EXCITED, but he wasn't nervous this time.  He had actually, at once point, REMINDED me that we were going.  So, that's a plus, right? (don't burst my bubble)

  This time started out just as the others.  He ran a few laps around the place, then found his "pillow" of yoga mats and decided that he wasn't even going to LOOK at those people this time.  Rather than starting with massive BEATING of the drums, the instructor decided to do something logical NICE and start with the 'shaking' instruments. That was nice actually. To not immediately have my brains bleeding out of my ears.

  She moved into playing her guitar in this HELLO song where each participant gets to introduce themselves.  Thankfully, she took notice to Tommy ignoring the whole group remembered that Tommy didn't like participating in this whole shin-dig and kept the show going MINUS the "HELLO TOMMY" segment.  Rather than sitting awkwardly on a stack of 50 yoga mats, I asked if I could go sit on the bench. He agrees. See me? In the gray pants (in the mirror)! HELLO!

 During the shaking of maracas that lasted a good 15 minutes, I managed to get him to at least WATCH.  They weren't playing songs, they were working on following instructions such as shaking to the beat.  Tommy found that interesting.  I shake 2 times, you shake two times.. it actually was starting to catch on with the kids! I asked if he wanted a shaker... of course I get "the look" with a prompt NO.

 Of course, the drums came out which led to me remembering that I again FORGOT his headphones!!!! He was fully prepared to tolerate the ridiculous banging until, they began banging to Christmas music.  HOLY FUCK ME IN THE ASS!  *sigh*  Why. WHY?!  I understand you're all in the Christmas spirit but.. this boy is NOT. And, he's struggling SO HARD to make it THROUGH this Socializing process.  What's interesting is.. i KNEW this was a deal breaker. I begged him to leave.  "Bub, I KNOW this is so hard, and it's ok.  We can STILL go to Dunkin Donuts. We can leave early and it'll be ok".  He refused.  He wanted to finish his hour.  So we stepped out of the room to where there is a small exercise area. There's a bench against the wall.  We sat on the bench for the last 20 minutes watching the Man in Yellow run his little heart out.  Tommy didn't even mind that one of the TV's was set to FOX NEWS which is SATAN to him.  We watched mom's blackberry until it struck 8:00pm in which we get up, go inside (to retrieve Brianna and our coats) and we left.  

One more to go.. 

Social Group #2

There he is. My man. My Bubba.  You may think, ok he's laying on the floor just doing nothing.  Actually, he's doing TONS!!!!  He's coping. Tolerating all of the chaos going on around him. 5 minutes before this picture was taken, Brianna and I were over there sitting with him. Giving him verbal support.  It started, not so well.  We got there a bit early so that he could run laps, and stim all he wanted in front of the mirror.

This group is for ages 10 and up.  The oldest member is in his 50's.  There's a few people that Tommy will interact with, but not during this drum circle.  This is not an Autism Specific group. So none of the accommodations are ever made (such as there is intense fluorescent lighting, mirrors on EVERY wall, and these drums echo like you can't even IMAGINE!).  Tommy's been a part of this group for close to 3 years (off and on). He's never really enjoyed the drum circles, but he enjoys SEEING his "friends".  He did so great last night shaking everyone's hand and verbally responding to the words actually coming out of the mouths of others.  We even had eye contact.  

  

Brianna and I were able to phase away from him and went to sit on the benches with the other parents/care givers.  I initially walked over there because he was mouthing curse words so I was GOING to get my purse and be ready to go.  But, after  I walked away, he stayed. And, behaved.  There was zero interaction during the drumming but.. look at this coping.   So proud of him.  It's like a dream come true seeing him able to manage again.  

Let's get hit by a bus!

So apparently, Tommy has found a new (old, just revisiting) focus.  It's Jack in the Box.  Now, the closest Jack in the Box is 8+ hours away.  Well, his new favorite activity is looking at the commercials on youtube.  One in particular.  When Jack gets hit by a bus.  This one.

See the X eyes? Oh that makes his belly laugh.  You see, I don't know what this kid's issue with people getting hurt. He thinks it's HYSTERICAL!  Every time we've tried to even teach him how to ride a bike, he crashes. On purpose. He thinks it's just the funniest thing ever.  *smh*  It's one of those things that I will just NEVER understand! 


So, after a good dose of watching Jack on the laptop, we were starting to get ready for Social Group.  He was walking around just LAUGHING.. so I had to catch a clip of it.

He's SO earning his Spring Road Trip to Jack's. :)

A family's day out

The start of this week has been very interesting. Brianna somehow scored Monday and Tuesday off from school, and Tom's days off are Monday and Tuesday which mean... the whole family home together, for two days.  It may not sound like much. Most people spend the weekends with their family.  Well, not here.  It's NEVER been that way!  Tom, the hubs, has always worked an odd schedule.  Mostly to accommodate me in helping with Tommy, but also to earn the most money he can (working Sundays and most holidays). So typically, the kids and I work on a Mon-Fri schedule.  Tom works on a Wed-Sun schedule.  This allows him to get his private, undisturbed time on the beloved xbox. Poor Tom. He took one for the team this week and gave us his day. Oh the FUN I had planned!


We were going to give the dogs baths today. I kinda volunteered him for the job.  But after I spent the morning vacuuming the floors and mopping and cleaning, the last think i wanted running around were 3 wet dogs.  Ix-nay on the ogday athbay.


Instead, lets LEAVE the house! All of us. Together. In the same vehicle! That is VERY rare for us. First stop- Cleveland Clinic! Nothing says love more than a trip to Tommy's psychiatrist!  Seriously, you know how much I love that man.  He's my Santa. My Jesus. The one that gave me my FAMILY back.  A great visit it was too. Tommy is just SO different than what he was 9 months ago.  Its a BIG hospital, but his office is very very small. The waiting room has like, 5 chairs. Tightly smooshed together.  His office is the size of, an exam room lol  Typically we walk around the hospital grounds for the appointment since Tommy usually can't tolerate the small space.  This time, he just sat down and let me check us in. We were early, so i expected to have to wait.  As long as Tommy was ok in there, I was just going to go with it.  Well, we waited about 25 minutes before he came to get us. He grew a beard.  You can imagine Tommy's reaction.  Tommy wanted to touch it.  As we were walking down the hall, he turned to me and whispered "touch it?" I shook my head no. He giggled.  We talked about the meds, our decision to keep Tommy home schooled (which he surprisingly agreed with), chatted it up with Brianna about Charles Dickens, went through his desk and showed us his odd stuff (glass frog, stress balls, tubing/rubber band stretchy thing lol  He's roughly our age.. a little younger even. Likes to keep things light but at the same time, very straight forward with things.  Things are good, Tommy's good. And, we're off.


Next stop, Steak n Shake of course! It's Tommy's reward for doing so great at the Dr's.  Tommy loves to eat inside (after 4 years of NOT being able to tolerate inside eating) Twice in 1 week. ICK. I feel like a big fat giant cow right about now.  


Tom's reward is Best Buy.  Modern Warfare 3,972 came out today (modern warfare 3) so of course, we MUST get it.  


Finally, we make our way back to into our neck of the woods.  We stop into the voting center, and cast our ballots. Tommy enjoys going there. We always let him touch the "cast ballot" and all the papers start printing lol  Funny stuff.   


Poor Brianna.. no reward for her.  She had her lovely 4 day weekend and spent it socializing. Somehow in that smart little head of hers she thought she could read the last 9 chapters of Great Expectations in one day AND answer the questions, and do a science lab. *smh*  You live and you learn my dear daughter.  It's after 10 and she's still going at it up there.   What's the saying... The best lessons learned, are the ones you learned the hard way.  <3

A social... success?

Oh drum circle.  I forgot how loud drum circle can be. Holy cow.  I was so... NERVOUS.  Like, just shy of sheer panic attack NERVOUS about this going down. Getting him out the door for a NIGHT event.. was weird.  We haven't done it in a LONG time.  And this place isn't local. It's about 25 miles away.. by freeway.  I can SEE him looking around.. recognizing the place.  It's been about a year and a half since we've attended anything here.  I'm just watching him. He's soaking it all up. Flapping and spinning. We start seeing PEOPLE that we recognize. Everyone's in shock to see him. Things were really heading downhill when we all last saw one another.  We were about 5 minutes late (had to register before hand) so by the time we made it to the exercise  room that oh so violently ECHOS those horrific drums.. the class was already started. I had already promised that he didnt have to do ANY of the drumming. He just had to be there. To visit with his friends.  I really didn't want him to have to TALK to people but.. people kept approaching him to say hi. He just looks up and babbles some script that i've yet to decode.  He decided he'd rather run laps around the circle.  It was annoying for me, yet not disruptive so.. whatever. His stamina is very low so he made 1 1/3 laps and he was done lol! Of course what's better than a big echoy room for the special needs group? Walls with mirrors. Mirrors on ever wall! *smh* Whatever. It took me about 10 minutes to get him to stop popping his pimples.  We camped out on a stack of gym mats and just watched everyone else drum. Occasionally covering our ears because the girl with the rainbow drum was being obnoxious and beating the hell out of that drum.

He never once asked to leave.  I offered a half dozen times.  I could see the sensory overload happening like a volcano.  Brianna just sat along the sidelines with the other parents. Just watching this all go down.  "Tommy, are you feeling nervous? Do we need to step out?"  He of course gives me the "naw don't worry about it".  I had asked him to give me an hour. 1 hour.  He watched the clock very closely.  The phone turned to 8:00pm and we're done. We grab our coats, say goodbye to some people, Hello to some people that couldn't grab his attention during his laps. Brianna and i were cheering in the elevator. This was a total success.  He did exactly what I asked. He even offered his dancing services when they played Queen's We will Rock you.

So..... as promised, we stopped at Dunkin Donuts on the way home for dessert.  My kids NEVER get donuts. Once a year I allow it. For their birthday. They get donuts for breakfast.  Tonight, we deserved a donut. We all shoved ONE chocolate donut into our faces the rest of the drive home.  

Thanks for praying, and crossing your fingers for us. It worked! Can we use our special powers to help me win the lottery  now please? I'll totally share with you!! :D

We're taking the plunge!

So here we are.  I've been moaning and groaning about being stuck in this house. We DO have access to a social group.. not to be confused with a social group in which there's structure.  This is just a bunch of special needs kids getting together for drum circles, kick ball, basket ball, karaoke etc.  There's just NO structure which can be hard for Tommy.  Especially the indoor stuff.  

Well, we haven't been to ican (the name of the group) in quite some time.  A year and a half maybe.  Drum circle starts tomorrow night.  I've been doing some talking with Tommy and he SEEMS open to going "JUST TO VISIT". I don't think he wants to commit to banging on drums.  So.. there ya have it.

Of course, this may just fall completely APART once its time to walk out the door.  I have a plan for that however.  Lure him with food. Well, the PROMISE of food.  With him being out of school for so long, its so hard to gauge where he's at... with his abilities to cope.  We see my most favorite person in the WORLD next week (Tommy's psychiatrist) and I know he's going to have so many questions that I WON'T be able to answer (since Tommy's been out for so long).  Hubs is nervous.. but not nervous enough to come WITH us! hahaah It's a bunch of "desperate housewives" getting together to chat it up.  Hubs, is so not interested in that. 

So if you don't hear from me after tomorrow.. im either in Jail, or dead.  Keep your fingers crossed for me! lol

Stuck in the.. in between.

As some of you may know, we're stuck between... well, a rock and a hard place when it comes to Tommy's education.  There just isn't a setting SMALL enough for Tommy to handle.  Nor is there a setting, that can handle Tommy's complexities.  This seems to be the the path that keeps holding him back.  Homeschooling is working in the meantime.. but I can't help but feel that there's so much more he COULD be doing but just can't... because it doesn't exist.

Tommy's always been on that CUSP with his Autism.  We've had to fight for everything.  In some cases, we've had to CREATE programs for him due to him either being the oldest of the "bunch" or school systems never having an autistic student before. 

Now, we've hit a new phase.  After spending a better part of yesterday (and the day before) researching Ohio's Autism Scholarship Program.  In theory, it seems GREAT.  Wait, not just in theory.  Let me rephrase that.  I really really really.... REALLY wish I had access to something like this 10 years ago.  For families with younger children.. its a PHENOMENAL program. It'll take me hours to explain.. so I won't.   In short.. you're given 20K to educate your child through a list of "providers".  From speech, OT, transportation.. the list goes on.  The key? You do the work. You interview these people. You set the schedules.. YOU are the party planner.  I just don't have this in me anymore.  I'm running on burn-out status as it is. We all know that getting "providers" is like being a part of a secret society anyhow.  When you find a good one, you don't want to SHARE in fear of your provider being drawn away from your child. When you read about the "BAD" providers, you have to sift through the reason's they've been listed as BAD.  Now, imagine doing this for EACH person you're to hire.  Now, with all of that being said, imagine your house being invaded with this.  It's difficult.  We have 3 dogs with ZERO manners that going APE-SHIT when we have visitors. I could crate them in the basement but, they hear us walking around.  So what they'll do is bark non-stop if we're lucky.  We're not usually that lucky.  They usually HEAR the instructor hear and then bark hysterically usually causing them to mess themselves in their crates.  Yay, fun clean-up.  NOT.  OR, I rush Brianna into finishing her homework so she can sit with them.  We tried her sitting with them in the basement with music blasting (so they wouldn't hear the instructor) and, well... that worked as well as crating them.  Last week we put them upstairs, with music blasting, and Brianna working tail off keeping them occupied. In the end, Mario peeked out the door as he was leaving and .... have you ever heard a Pug SCREAM? It was embarrassing.  HORRIBLY embarrassing.  I've got to figure out WHERE to put them. The dogs, AND Tommy with his instructor.  Outside would be great, but it's getting very cold here.  I'm not sure how much longer I'm going to be able to utilize Brianna to do all of this.  

The part that's really killing me, is we're Tommy's ONLY interaction with PEOPLE.  I take him OUT everyday.  We'll walk around Walmart, Target.. ANYWHERE so he can interact with people.  He loves watching Brianna with her friends.  I can see he WANTS friends.  I know he wants to interact with PEERS, but he doesn't know HOW.  Social groups are ALWAYS (ALWAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) geared towards younger kids.  Or, kiddie things which Tommy DESPISES.  There are no social groups for Teenagers.  Tommy's NOT into sports (sobs! Why can't he be into sports!!!!!) So sports stuff is OUT.  He loves video games, but he doesn't have the skills necessary to interact with people online to play.  He LOVES youtube. There's just nothing around FOR HIM.  

In the meantime, we're going to continue homeschooling with him.  We're going to start implementing speech now as well since he seems to be tolerating demands so far.   I just wish he was having FUN.  What kid wants to hang around his mom 24/7? It's no wonder he spend 2/3 of his time in his room.. alone.  I LET him because, he's BORED with me.  Of course I could take him to do things, but unfortunately we don't have money pouring out of our pockets.  Further, if I have to deal with one more ignorant idiot looking at Tommy like he's an alien, or kids flat out LAUGHING AT him,  I just may end up in jail.   Honestly, we can't afford the bail.

____________________________________________________________

I am a FIRM believer that bullying starts at home.  If you don't EDUCATE your kids on the special needs community, then you may as well sign the card allowing you child to BULLY our kids.  If you don't teach your kids, I have NO PROBLEM teaching them for you.  I'm NOT nice about it. Personally, I'm fucking TIRED of Tommy being LAUGHED at in public. I'd rather be in South Central LA dodging bullets than to have to live through this bullshit.