Thursday, May 10, 2012

Quietly, working on things.

Yes, my blog has been very quiet lately.  There's been a LOT going on around here.  Am I ok? Most of the time, yeah, I'm ok.  I think its MY medications getting me through the days.

It seems as if we've come full circle with Tommy.  At this exact time last year, he started to backslide.  Well, here we go again.  

It started last week.  He again was getting more reclusive again.  For the most part, I don't FORCE him to socialize because I know it raises his anxiety levels.  But, I do require him to spend time with people here and there (ie- tutors, homeschool teacher, and even US... his family).  The first one he was working with his Speech tutor (all of these people he really likes) and out of no where, he just stood up from the table, and started acting SOMETHING out (have no clue what it was. He was mouthing words and pointing around).  When asked to sit back down he gave the "i'm outta here" and he runs out of the house.  Normally, I don't worry when he runs off because he has zero stamina so he never gets too far.  We have a very long driveway, and he made it to the end.  I redirected him and asked him to get the mail for me, which he did, and he came back to the house only to try and lock himself in my vehicle.  The speech tutor was able to lure him out by saying they were done with work for that day. So Tommy went inside and just locked himself in his room.

The next 2 sessions weren't even an option. He refused to come out of his room completely.  One of the times he was ready to do physical battle with me. I just walked away, refused to engage him and just cancelled everything.  

A few days later, I was doing home school with him (I do the schooling with him monday-thursday and his teacher works with him on fridays).  I was introducing putting words into alphabetical order, and he took the paper, tried to eat it (not normal for him.. he was just pushing my buttons).  I tried to follow through and make him do 2 words and he bolted.  This time though, he bolted 2 houses away. We're on 2 acre lots so 2 houses away, is far.  I lured him back by letting him throw the paper away.  

That leads us to last Friday.  We were heading to his homeschool school.  We do it there because they have an air hockey table in the basement and its a huge reward for him when completing his weeks work.  He LOVES going there.  Our "city limits" is very small. It has a railroad track that runs through it.  I can count on ONE hand in 6 years that I have EVER seen a train go by. If ever there's a train, its just the engine going by with no carts.  Well this day, he had about 20 carts on it.  So to pass the time I'm explaining to Tommy about the train. As this is happening, cars are piling up. We're in full traffic now. Again, not common for this small place.  Finally it passes and I say "oh Tommy! LOOK! The bars are going up!! Now we can go!!"  His face was just blank.  So, I didn't think anything about it.  (In my vehicle, I have an SUV with 3rd row seating. He sits back there away from the doors. He's gotten mad and opened doors while driving before.) I get through the intersection and at this point, I'm right in front of an elementary school.  Next to the school is where we go. This church that has a school above it.  In front of the school, he starts punching the SHIT out of the windows screaming curse words.  I pull to the side (this is all happening 10 minutes before that school was due to let out for the day).  At this point, I'm in shock.  He was TOTALLY fine 5 seconds ago.  All of a sudden, he comes barreling through the second row of seats, and starts trying to bite my face.  I hold my arms up letting my arms take the bites. Finally he runs back to his seat and he's pissed.  I throw out a text to the teacher that we're going home, that Tommy had just attacked me in the parking lot and i will let her know more when things settle down.

At that point, I had to get the hell out of there.  I cut through the library parking lot to get to some side streets which of course are ALL BACKED UP from that DAMN train!  At some point i either called or texted my husband to get home, that Tommy was in attack mode.  At that point, Tommy comes barreling up the seats again and starts biting and pulling my hair.  I'm trying to NOT call attention to all the cars around us so I couldn't defend myself.  He had bitten my hand so hard, i couldn't grip the button on the gear shifter to even put it in park.  I turn the hazards on. People are just going around us. Hubs was on the phone but I dropped the phone in battle.  I was literally stuck in my position because my seatbelt had locked up.  Again, I couldn't get it off with my hand all bitten up.  I screamed at Tommy that I was calling the police (we have OnStar on our vehicle.  It's a GPS service, and I can push the emergency button and summons police or ambulance to us)  I was just about to hit the button when TOMMY'S phone started to ring.  He stopped biting and went to answer it.  Hubs called him.  They talked and talked while I drove home as fast as I could.  Hubs got home, and I just took my meds and stayed in bed for the night.  This was the first time I've ever been REALLY MAD AT him.  I've been mad at stupid things he's done, or property he's destroyed.  Even the full on beating I took last year, was nothing compared to the ANGER that just took over me.  

The next day, Saturday, I still was just pissed at him.  Hubs has been taking vacation days off to be the middle man for a while.  On the weekends, I typically cook a huge breakfast for the kids. Pancakes eggs sausage bacon... So Saturday he woke up and thought he was getting that.  Physically, I COULDNT make it.  I couldnt hardly move my arm let alone grip anything.  I couldn't be around him.  I had planned for my daughter and I to go out and get some 1 on 1 time, so her and I were getting ready.  He came up to me at one point, and says "are you very disappointed?" His way of playing down the incident.  My answer was one I've never given before. "NO I'm not very disappointed! I'm PISSED OFF!! And, I do NOT want to talk to you!! Go talk to dad!"  He was stunned at that.  

So my daughter and I left, and had a great afternoon, all things considering.  Hubs had been trying to get Tommy to just brush his teeth and get dressed but there was defiance so he chose not to even have the battle.  Later, Tommy came down dressed and teeth brushed on his own.  So, of course hubs thought OMG GREAT!! So, they took the dogs out for a walk around the property (they have to be leashed otherwise they'll take off)  Tommy had one dog, hubs had the other two. They walked around the property twice and was heading back into the garage.  Hubs had JUST unclipped the dogs and Tommy said, "Im outta here!!" and took off.  Hubs had to shuffle the dogs in, get the gate up, and ran out and Tommy was nowhere in sight.  So he grabbed his keys and drove to the end of the road.  Our road is a half a mile (in the country) that leads to a road that is 55 miles per hour.  The other end of the road, is a cul-de-sac.  Of course, Tommy's running for the road.  Hubs catches up to him, and turns the car to block him.  He's 30 feet from being roadkill.  

So long as we keep him confined into the house, he has been ok.  Well, mostly.  He's experiencing very erratic mood swings.  Very high, highs. And, very low, lows.  In between, he stays in his room.  Today, we're going to take him out, in the vehicle for a "trial run".  Tomorrow, he's due to go to his home school facility, in which he keeps talking about going.  I'll be quite honest with you, I'm terrified to drive him there.  Again, hubs is taking the day off from work to assist in this process.  

Until then, we're just kind of playing this whole thing out.  Waiting to hear back from Doctors. Trying to figure out what our options are.  Worrying about what this happens 5 months from now when he's 18 and legally an adult.  


So yeah, I've taken some time away from everything.  I spend my days just doing the normal daily stuff around here and escaping into Words With Friends on the iphone (the only game i can just mindlessly play and not think). I haven't touched Twitter, and Facebook, only occasionally.   For those of you playing Draw something, i've not been really into that much. 

Just thinking, trying to figure things out. All of the options the agencies offer include physical restrains which I will no longer sign off on for Tommy.  It's done nothing but made him MORE aggressive up to this point.  So in the meantime.. I'm just here.  Trying to figure things out :)


  1. oh, Rhonda. . . MAN, that is some update! Hang in there. I have zero else of any use to offer except verbal support. Scary stuff. Tough days at the parenting office!

  2. Hey Rhonda,

    Sorry to hear you're going through some very challenging times with Tommy. It's SO frustrating when for no apparent reason (to us anyways), something triggers them and they go from zero to a hundred out of nowhere.

    Although I've never been in your shoes, I remember having that feeling of anger. It was a long time ago and to be perfectly honest, I don't remember the specifics?!? That doesn't sound very good does it? ;P What I do remember is wanting to rip out my hair, felt like throwing/breaking stuff and kicking the crap out of the wall or anything in my way. I also remember reaching a point of total frustration, feeling totally out of control and not being able to do a damn thing about it.

    Like we've talked about, we are going through some very scary times with our soon-to-be adult sons. I know I have to start looking ahead but when I do, I get all anxious and stressed out. So instead what do I do??? Yah...go into denial of sorts. Oish.

    I'm glad you had a good day with your daughter. We need those days. I'm so glad to have connected with you and hope we can try to figure things out together.

    Take care, Diane

  3. Hugs and love Rhonda. That's all I have. And I hope that's enough to get you through another day. Hugs and love.

  4. OH MY GOSH. And I thought being punched, kicked, and bitten by a 5 year old is no fun. A young man with strength and height and full adult capabilities acting beyond his control---- I can't imagine what you're going through and what's going on inside his head. I'm sure you've tried all the meds. I'm trying to remember whose book was talking about getting the police involved to scare the bejeepers out of the out of control teen boy with autism--- maybe Laura Shumaker's book? I don't know if a visit from the police to remind him of safety issues would have any impact? Happy mother's day because beneath all the craziness, I know how much you love your children and are so thankful for each day with them. *hugs*

  5. I can offer you very little from where I sit so far behind you in a child's age. I wish I had an answer for you and Tommy, I do. I can say that I've noticed that for some of us, the regressive behavior comes with the change in season - the amount of daylight hours seems to have a subtle yet strong impact on behavior. It happened at Christmas time for us and is happening now in the spring. Maybe it plays a role but not to that degree. Is there some type of physical sport - even riding a stationary bike that could get some of that running energy out? It's almost like a really big version of Tay needing hella proprioceptive input? And yes, I'm thinking that Tommy does not really "like" physical activity, but it sounds like he - in a way- needs it - maybe what I'm saying just sounds crazy to you from where you are in the thick of it - but I'm trying - if there was somewhere he can participate in that with his dad maybe? Or they could just channel that running by incorporating it into a routine where you start by walking and turn it into a run - a real like jogging run thing on a regular routine basis? Then maybe all that energy will be used up in a good way and he will relax after? Just an idea.